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Confession time: I compare myself to others – a lot. I know it’s pointless. I know it’s not good for me. You want to know something? I do it anyway.
I can’t speak for every person in the universe, but I’m pretty sure we’ve all been in this position before. Humans are a pretty insecure bunch, when you think about it. I mean, there are probably a couple of truly confident people in the world, but even they would have faltered once or twice. Surely.
I find it baffling how we all just completely ignore how insecure we are. We feel ashamed when we compare ourselves to others because we already know that it’s a pointless exercise. So, instead of tackling these feelings head on, we squish them down and ignore them.
By not acknowledging our insecurities, we are unable to confide our worries and woes to other people. This means that we don’t realise that everyone feels the same way we do – insecure and envious of the people who seem to have their lives together.
Plot twist? These people don’t know what they’re doing, just like the rest of us.
Let that sink in.
Another plot twist: there’s a chance that someone out there thinks you are a person who has their lives together.
It seems laughable, I know, but just think about it for a moment. If we’re all pretending to be on top of things, then how are other people supposed to know we aren’t? Wouldn’t they automatically assume that you are what you pretend to be?
We’re led to believe that comparing ourselves to others is a bad thing, and I don’t disagree. Sometimes it’s just unrealistic – like a photoshopped model on a magazine cover. We’re physically incapable of looking like this. I get it.
Yet we still feel embarrassed that we have insecurities and ignore the fact that everyone’s got them. When we pretend they don’t exist we end up isolating ourselves and begin to believe that we are alone in how we feel, which is a bit dramatic, but still true.
In my humble opinion, bottling up emotions we perceive as negative is even more harmful than having them in the first place. Why do we need to pretend that we don’t have feelings and stuff? It’s a mystery. We should all be free to discuss what worries us. It can be a huge relief to discover someone feels the same way you do about something.
So, in the name of airing out insecurities – let me be the first to share mine.
At the moment, I’m a bit insecure with the whole “future” thing. Now that I’ve finished university, I don’t really know what I want to be doing. I’m still at the same casual job I picked up a few years ago – with not even as many shifts as I would have hoped for. It’s not ideal – and yet, I’m not sure what my ideal future even looks like anymore.
I see the people who know what they want – to keep studying, to find a job in their chosen field, to travel – and I can’t help but be a bit envious of their drive. I don’t really know what I want to do other than to keep writing in this blog.
I’ve discussed this before, so I won’t get into it all again, but the point I’m trying to make is that though I have insecurities about my life, I’m not going to let them be something I feel the need to hide. The only way we can overcome our insecurities is by acknowledging them and, if we’re brave enough, to share them too.
We’re all muddling through our lives at the same time, and I think it’s nice to know that we’re not alone in feeling like other people are living a life better than ours. If we could just start being honest with one another we’d realise that a “perfect” life doesn’t exist and that success looks different to everyone. Let’s stop being ashamed of the fact that we compare ourselves to others. If we all do it, then there’s nothing to really be ashamed of, is there?
Help answer some questions:
- What do you think about all this?
- Do you compare yourself to others?
- Have you ever thought someone had a perfect life only to discover they didn’t agree with you?
- Do you think feeling this way is something that should be suppressed and never discussed or should we be more open about it?
Definition of an Adult 
I absolutely love this post and it’s something that absolutely needs to be said. If I’m honest, I spend too much time comparing myself to others, what I look like, what I wear, what I’ve achieved, how clever I am. And at the end of the day being like everyone else is near impossible, because everyone is so different. It’s not until you get close to a person that you realise they have about as many problems as you do, but the face they put on is able to conceal this from others. I totally agree with you that we should all stop hiding our insecurities because it seems to have set an unrealistic precedent for everyone to follow. Great post, thank you 🙂 xx
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Thank you for your lovely comment. I think sometimes we all need the reminder that it’s okay to not be perfect. You’re right in saying that it’s unrealistic to achieve, yet we seem convinced that everyone else except us has somehow managed to do so.
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I completely agree with what you’ve said here. I especially relate to the part about logically knowing that comparing yourself to others is pointless, but doing it anyway.
As for your third question, when I was younger I had an older friend who was also an artist like me, and I was always jealous of her painting ability. She could use color in a way I just couldn’t! But then I found out that she was jealous of my drawing ability! It’s funny really. There’s a saying for that too, “Don’t compare your worst to someone else’s best.”
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Similar situations have happened to me as well – I always find it so hard to believe when it happens!
You make a great point about comparing our worst to someone else’s best. We’re not really allowing ourselves to be on even ground, are we? Of course we’re not going to measure up if we keep doing this to ourselves!
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I love this article! I actually wrote about something similar in a recent blog post of mine. Lmao.
For me, depression is so comfortable to be in. (Fortunately, I’m starting to grow out of it.) But when I am in it, it’s so easy to just fall into that comfort and just point fingers and say how far you’ll never go. When you start to realize that everyone is probably in the same sinking ship as you and they just hide it really well, it makes navigating through social media and conversations about other people 100x easier. Not only that, but just giving someone else the courtesy of acknowledging that they are human just like you with their own journey to complete will make everyone involved happier.
It’s something, among a ton of other mental health related things, that need to be talked about. Especially when we live in the world that we live in. Taking some time to ease the burden off of everyone by just letting them know, “Hey, it’s OK. You’re doing just fine given how the world is right now,” can do wonders to a lot of people.
I think it’s natural to compare yourself to others. I think it’s a part of our species’ competitive nature. When you start to feel like you should have those things– because of unrealistic expectations set by your elders or those who fall outside the standard deviation of things– it’s easy to think that you might be special in that you specifically won’t be able to do what they did. And when you start to get caught up in those thoughts, that’s when things start to get a depressing.
A little acknowledgement and celebration of your own achievements can make that feeling a little less intense as time goes own. That, meditation, and a show of gratitude are the best ways that I find to combat those feelings. 🙂
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Wow, I absolutely love everything you said and agree with you 100%. I’ll have to check out the post that you wrote, since we both had similar ideas. If it’s anything like this comment here it’s sure to be relatable and insightful!
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Sure! Hopefully, you can get something out of it to help you during your day to day! 😊
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